LIfe going to hell in a handbasket
Well... where do I start? I have been married 17yrs now with 4 kids. My husband and I separated for 3 years before reconciling. Over the years he enjoyed a drink or two or three and it got to him going through a 4 litre cask of wine every two days! He started 'hiding' casks in the tool shed - as if we didn't know.
I am a registered nurse and it was obvious to me he had a problem, but according to him I had the problem not him. Then one evening after he had finished work he was breathalysed and found to be over the limit - 16 hours after his last drink! I immediately thought that there was something wrong with his liver, as the alcohol wasn't being metabolised and remaining in his system. But what would I know right? He lost his licence for 6 months. A doctor confirmed that his liver is damaged from years of drinking - but the thing is, he's only 39 not 67 as his liver would indicate!!
Since then he has assured me that he had stopped drinking, but he was having these odd "symptoms' of an evening, especially on a weekend. Glassy eyes, slurred speech, odd smell on his breath, poor coordination, being argumentative and aggressive. But he wasn't drinking right? We even went to the doctor's as I thought these symptoms could also be indicators of diabetes. I just knew there was something wrong and if he wasn't drinking then we needed to find out what was causing these symptoms.
A couple of weeks ago, my kids found two bottles of vodka - half empty stashed up the side of the house! So now I knew. He went to the specialist and lied, he went to the doctor and lied. He was looking for another reason for what was going on rather than admit that he was an alcoholic.
It makes me very sad. I wanted to believe but there was something just not right with it all. He was telling me that he wasn't drinking, but I was suspicious but couldn't catch him out. I had no proof, so all I could go on was the cluster of symptoms, which, as I said, could have indicated diabetes (I've had people brought into hospital because they were thought to be drunk, but in actual fact they were high blood sugar levels. They act like they're drunk and an alcoholic' smell to them. This is due to the body breaking down fat for energy because it can't convert sugar due to a lack of insulin). With the doctor's diagnosis a few years ago, it was a natural assumption on my part, to think diabetes.
So now he's moving out and I am sad that I have had to make this decision even though it is the right one. His journey is not mine or my childrens. I'm not after sympathy. I feel too stupid for that. I should have known better as I also have worked for a crisis service. Hope is the worst thing to have on the one hand as you want a happy ending. But then there is other hope once it all hits the fan. I have two cake orders to fill before the end of next week (gumpaste roses to make) ...and life goes on.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kathy Kmonk on
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Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. You have to do what's best for you and your children. Maybe losing his family is what he needs to get back on track. Take care of yourself. ---Kathy
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Permalink Reply by jeri c on
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Prayers your way! I hope everything works out for you. Stay strong and keep your chin up!
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Permalink Reply by Judith Dias on
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Keeping in my prayer too. Dont forget to pray as God gives the strenght & inner peace. Take care of yourself & your children.
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Becker on
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I'm late in reading this, but I still wanted to send you my best. Going forward, trust your educated judgement and stop second guessing yourself. I'm not a selfish person, but in the end you have to do what is right for you. You can only support someone for so long. I learned a hard hard lesson years ago walking a similar path. Ready?
I cannot care about you more than YOU care about you.
Make sense? It's physically impossible. if you try and the other doesn't care as much as you do, you both go down hard.
Give your kids the example you want them to follow. Should they support a destructive spouse or protect the children? Live the advice you yourself would give your own daughter or granddaughter.
Praying for you that you stay strong... and stay focused. Think pragmatically these days, not emotionally. It's hard, I know it is. But force yourself to do so.
Oh, and don't forget AA's rule - he cannot be in a relationship until sober for two years. There's a reason for that for him. But for you: If he cleans up, he has to stay clean for a period of time before you can trust him. If he's truly clean, he'll understand that decision and support it.
God bless you and your children. And pray - pray - pray
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Permalink Reply by Bettina Dwyer on
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Thank you everyone. He has found a place to live, so for me it is all over. I feel like I can breath again. The kids actually like spending time at home now he's not here. I didn't realise how uptight we all were. Ahhhhhhhhhh.......
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Good for you!! I'm so happy you and the kids found your smiles again.
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Permalink Reply by Allyson Mobley on
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You and your family will be in my prayers. Stay strong and draw strength and comfort from God.
Allyson
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Permalink Reply by Theresa Happe on
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Hang in there. If you need support, pm me. I went through a very tough 3 year divorce and am more than happy to listen and be there for you. I know when you are going through it, it's very hard to visualize things getting better, but they do eventually and you have to keep the faith in that.
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Permalink Reply by Riana de Bruin on
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will be praying for you and your children! Like a pp said, you cant help someone that doesnt want help.
My grandma went through the same thing and when she finally left my granddad she and the kids had a much better life! Hang in there!
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Hugs & Prayers still coming your way my friend! I appreciate YOU and all you have contributed to the cake world!
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Permalink Reply by Leah Carpenter on
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I have only just joined this site and read your story. I work for a family law solicitor and you are not alone! I often wish I could match clients up with others who are so bewildered at what is happening in their lives - just so they can talk to someone in the same (or a very similar) boat. I lived a life of denial for 15 years, in a relaitonship that was not 'healthy'. He passed away 4 years ago. On Saturday 16 July, at the ripe old age of 45 I am marrying the love of my life. This will be my first marriage. I guess by now you are just starting to establish yourself again as an indiviual human being and I wish you all the best for the rest of your journey. xx Life's a box of chocolates.
By the way, I am an amateur cake decorater who is hoping to one day, make a living out of it. Just thought I better mention cakes, as we are in a cake forum :)
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Permalink Reply by Shirley Chulani on
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I am a newbie here and just read your topic - What can I say , i am 40 plus and single never been married ..or should i say ' Happy and single' ( my married friends and family tell me often " your lucky your not married " -lol )
Iam so happy You have taken the right step and been strong and sane .
Good Job !!
Keep smiling and thinking positive !
As a Single woman i must say i do have my share of worries and stress .But my Passion and Hobby for Baking and decorating cakes keeps me happy and hearty and my mind occupied .
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